When the Waves Hit: DBT Tools for Riding Out Distress
Title: When the Waves Hit: DBT Tools for Riding Out Distress
There are moments when the world feels too sharp, too loud, too much. A phone call. A flashback. A text that sends your nervous system spiraling. You feel the panic rising, or maybe the numbing fog rolling in. These are the moments that demand more than insight or self-reflection. They call for tools.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers a set of skills called distress tolerance tools. These are concrete practices designed to help you survive the storm without making it worse. These aren't about fixing the problem or figuring it out. They're about holding on. Getting through. Coming back to yourself, moment by moment.
Here are a few of the most powerful ones:
1. The ACCEPTS Skill: A Survival Kit for the Present Moment
ACCEPTS is an acronym that gives your nervous system something to do when everything in you wants to run, shut down, or explode. It's about distraction with a purpose.
A – Activities: Do something that demands your attention. Fold laundry. Go for a walk. Sketch. Wash your face.
C – Contributing: Help someone else, even in a small way. Text a kind word. Water a plant.
C – Comparisons: Gently remind yourself of other times you survived pain. Reflect on your growth.
E – Emotions: Watch a movie or listen to music that evokes a different feeling—humor, awe, calm.
P – Pushing Away: Imagine boxing up the distressing thought and placing it on a shelf—for now.
T – Thoughts: Flood your brain with other thoughts—count backward, recite lyrics, say affirmations.
S – Sensations: Engage your senses. Ice cubes. A spicy mint. A cold shower. Something that says “I’m here. I’m alive.”
2. TIPP: Calming the Body’s Fire Alarm
TIPP (another DBT acronym) works directly with your physiology. When your body is in full fight/flight/freeze mode, you need tools that speak its language—not just mental strategies.
T – Temperature: Splash cold water on your face. Hold an ice pack. This activates the dive reflex, slowing your heart rate.
I – Intense Exercise: Do jumping jacks, jog in place, dance it out—just 30–60 seconds can reset your nervous system.
P – Paced Breathing: Inhale for 4, exhale for 6. This tells your body it's safe.
P – Paired Muscle Relaxation: Tense a muscle group as you inhale, relax as you exhale. Head to toe.
3. Self-Soothing: Tending to the Body You Live In
This one is about comfort. Warmth. Softness. Things that feel nurturing, even when the world doesn’t.
Ask: What would feel good to my senses right now?
Smelling lavender or vanilla.
Wrapping in a soft blanket.
Listening to rain sounds or calming music.
Drinking tea with your hands around the mug.
Touching something smooth, textured, familiar.
Self-soothing reminds your inner child and your adult nervous system that you are not alone anymore.
4. Radical Acceptance: The Heart of Letting Go
Sometimes the pain comes from fighting what is. We want the past to have been different. We want the present to make sense. But radical acceptance is the practice of softening into reality—not because we like it or approve of it, but because it already is.
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It means stopping the war inside yourself. It creates space for wise action to emerge.
A Note from the Trauma Doula’s Desk:
Distress tolerance tools are like emotional first aid. They aren’t meant to solve the deeper wounds, but they do help you ride the wave instead of drowning in it.
If you grew up in a home where no one co-regulated with you… if your nervous system was wired for survival instead of safety… then these skills may feel awkward or even impossible at first. That’s okay. We practice anyway.
Each time you reach for a skill instead of collapsing into chaos or shame, you’re re-parenting yourself. You’re building the bridge back to your center. You’re proving, again and again: I can stay with me, even now.
You don’t have to love the tools for them to work. You just have to try them. Again. And again.
With gentleness,
Myshell | The Trauma Doula
