I Just Found Out My Partner Was Cheating. How Do I Cope?

Listen. If you’re reading this right now with your heart in your throat and your chest feeling like it's caving in, I want you to know—you are not crazy, and you are not alone. You're in the eye of the storm, baby. But I promise, the storm will pass.

Betrayal trauma—because yes, that’s what this is—can feel like your soul got yanked out and stomped on. It messes with your sense of safety, your sense of reality, and even your sense of self.

And if you’re anything like me—Black, queer, soft but scrappy—you may have already built fortresses around your heart just to survive life in this world. So to let someone in, to build with them, and then be betrayed?

That’s more than a heartbreak. That’s a wound to the spirit.

Let’s talk about how to make it through the first night.

The Night I Found Out

Let me keep it all the way real:
The night I found out someone I loved had been lying to me, I was in the middle of making pasta. Like, garlic sautéing, water boiling—domestic peace.

Then came the DM. The screenshot. The evidence.

And in an instant, I wasn’t in my kitchen anymore—I was in a memory. Of every time I told myself, “Maybe I’m just being too sensitive.”
I dropped the spoon. Sat on the floor. My body forgot how to breathe. My trust, my worth, my understanding of us shattered like glass. And all I could think was:
“How do I survive this night?”

So this post is for you, right now. You may not know what tomorrow holds, but here’s how to hold yourself—just for tonight.

First: You're in Shock. That’s Normal.

What you're feeling right now? That disoriented, gut-punched, trembling numbness? That’s the body and brain reacting to trauma.
You may be cycling through disbelief, rage, sorrow, paralysis. All of it is valid.

Let yourself feel, but don’t let yourself drown. Here are some things that can help ground you in the first 24 hours:

8 Ways to Cope With the Initial Shock of Betrayal

1 | Pause. Breathe. Name what’s happening.

Say it out loud or write it down:
“I am in shock. I just learned my partner was unfaithful. I am not okay. And that’s okay.”
Naming the moment anchors you in your truth.

2 | Don’t rush to make decisions tonight.

You don’t have to figure out what happens next. Whether you stay, leave, confront, or cry in the bathtub—tonight is for you, not for resolution.

3 | Call someone safe.

Phone a friend, your cousin, your therapist—somebody who won’t shame you, who will just hold space. Say: “I don’t need advice. I just need to not be alone with this.” That’s sacred.

4 | Drink water. Eat something.

Yes, it sounds basic. But heartbreak dehydrates you. Betrayal burns calories. Even a piece of toast or a cup of tea is a protest against despair.

5 | Move your body, even gently.

Shake. Stretch. Scream into a pillow. Trauma gets stored in the body—move it through. (I once did jumping jacks in a full crying fit. Not cute, but effective.)

6 | Write it out, uncensored.

Grab a journal, or the notes app, and let it rip. Rage, grieve, question, confess. Your words don’t have to be poetic—they just have to be honest.

7 | Avoid self-blame like it’s poison.

Their betrayal is not your failure. Say that again: Their betrayal is not your failure. You were real. They were reckless. That’s the whole sentence.

8 | Make a comfort plan for the night.

• Set up your bed with extra softness

• Queue up a show or playlist that doesn’t hurt

• Turn your phone on Do Not Disturb

• Put your feelings into a voice memo to revisit later

• Take a warm shower or hold something weighted

You are allowed to cocoon. You are allowed to survive on softness.

Grief Isn’t Linear (And Neither Is Healing)

The next few days might be messy. You might swing from numb to angry to tender to craving their touch again. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human, with a beautiful, breakable heart that dared to love.

And I want to tell you something I wish someone had told me that first night:

This pain is not the whole story.
It’s a chapter.
A brutal one, yes.
But it’s not the final word on your worth, your capacity for love, or your future.

If You Need a Sign—This Is It

If you’re wondering if you’ll make it through: You already are.
Every breath you’ve taken since the betrayal is a refusal to disappear.
Every tear is a cleansing.
Every moment of stillness is a reclamation.
You are showing up for yourself in the midst of heartbreak. That’s sacred work.

You are worthy of honesty.
You are worthy of respect.
You are worthy of love that doesn’t lie.

If you want a little support in walking this healing road, I'm here.
Visit my Contact page when you’re ready.
I walk with folks navigating grief, betrayal, and self-reclamation.
And I’d be honored to walk with you, too.

Tonight, take care of your heart.
Wrap up in something soft.
And remind yourself—this, too, will pass.

You’ve got you. And I’ve got you, too.